Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am available for nakedness
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