somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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