i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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