every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
