She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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