Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
