Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
