Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
