he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
