Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
