Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
