I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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