She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Couch. On fire.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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