It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
