Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
