I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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