Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
