My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
