I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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