he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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