im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
