I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
