so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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