I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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