i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
