Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
