I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
