Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
