I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
