If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
