He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
