I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my being single is dangerous.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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