I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
