He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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