she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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