I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
