I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
