Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
