she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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