He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
