i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
