I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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