You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
