Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
