and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
