Don't you send me to vm
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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