I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
