Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Couch. On fire.
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