I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
