You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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