if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
