You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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