I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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